Sunday, November 05, 2006

Pathetic!

ok so ever since i broke up with my x( like 9 months ago),i've been like seeing/dating/hooking up with a lot of random guys, many of which I don't even really like.I'm so freakin embarassed about it.It's SO not me.You see i have high standards.And it's definietly not about the attention...cause i get a lot of attention like all the time to the point where it gets annoying actually.
I don't know WHY i'm doing what i'm doing?but somehow i just can't stop,it's getting too addictive....i feel like there is a hole ,an emptiness that i wanna fell.
Anyway,it got worse when i broke up with my boyfriend.It's like i don't care anymore...or maybe by creating non-relationships is just a way of saying i'm not ready for a serious relationship and commitment that it comes with it...i dunno!!I'm SO confused!

The thing is those random guys could NEVER hurt me...casue i don't give a fuck about them.i'm just in it for fun whereas with the one i really like he would have that kind of power over me.and i really like the fact that i control things like i can end any of those random "relationships"" anytime i want and i wouldn't even feel sorry or bad about it.

Whatever the reason is...this thing is getting out of contol.It has to stop.It all started out as a "fun" thing but now it's actually a problem.I feel like a slut and i hate it.
i MUST have more self control, i must.

she walked out with empty arms machine gun in her hand she is good and she is bad no one understands! Turn back time : November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 .